I went out into the coop tonight to check on the hens. Only 3 out of 7 were on the roost. Hmmmm. This is not so good – they need to be up off the ground and on the roost … Continue reading
Category Archives: Grace
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Beets. Beets. Benjamin Franklin only got it part right. He said beer was proof that god loves us and wants us to be happy. Sorry Ben, it’s beer & beets. I clean beets from Matt & Kate’s garden tonight. Again … Continue reading
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I know I’m alive again. A month, at least, since I’ve been UP. I had to find mountain. My body pulled me to it. My legs now feel used. My calves & thighs. Used as they were built for it. … Continue reading
I miss running up the mountain. I miss pushing myself to make good time. I miss laying in tall grass at about 11,500 feet. Surrounded by green that reaches for the sky above me. New Mexico sky. So blue against this green. So blue against the promise of rain withheld in a cloud.
I miss looking down over the 1200 or so feet I pushed myself to climb. I miss being alone on the mountain. Looking across the valley to the Jemez mountains 50 miles away before they were on fire. Black Mesa, my touchstone that I am home. I crave it like the earth I walk upon now craves water so fervently that I can hear her pleading. I thought it was just my prayer for rain. No, it just came through me from the dry ground I stand upon. I would see ravens playing above on my mountain perch. Catching currents and soaring above me. Showing off on the wind just for me. Do you have that? That it is all laid out just for you? Try it. It’s easy. But you have to really stop. Just stop & look. See. Start with the ground beneath your feet. Start with the way the sun lights up your house in the morning. Start with the first bird’s song of the day. Start with a bee’s flight across your yard. Watch it. Start with the last light of the day. Start with the almost darkness of twilight and how it outlines trees in a whole new darkness. Start with a firefly’s light. Start with the way the moon looks right now. It is for you.
Late last fall, I lay with my back on the earth in the Pecos Wilderness. The top of the earth, from my perspective. One raven circled above me. Then there were 2 and then 4, then 6 or 8. They circled above and called to me, to each other. They circled me – just for me. Then, down one came. Right above me in a roll. Rolling Raven right above my head. Is that grace? I can’t imagine what it is, if not grace. I hiked back with the threat of a great snow about to come down. I hiked down with the sun disappearing behind the horizon. Winter imminent. Days so short. I hiked down with a raven perched on my head. Pushing me, pushing me to roll. Raven on my head pushing me to just fall. I wasn’t ready then. I dug heels in to catch earth & ground me.
Wait. wait! I want that raven again now. Where are you? Can you show me again? I think I can do it now. Pull my wings in and plummet. Let gravity win for a while. Plummet. Plummet. Trust. Trust the earth. Trust the sky. Trust the wind to hold me. Feel the dive. Feel the falling. Just fall. See what develops on the way down. See the earth for the very first time coming up fast. The earth rising to meet me.
Can you see it?